Post your favorite programmer jokes

[anonymous_user_8943aceb]

@kaufenpreis;242248

Four Engineers are taking a rental car to a convention. The Engineering manager is driving and the other three, a software, an electrical, and a mechanical engineer are riding in the various seats. They go up to the top of a hill and begin going down, when the manager tries to use the brakes to slow down, they aren’t working. is somewhat paniced but fortunately they were able to roll to a stop. gets out and kisses the ground etc. The mechanical engineer moves to look at the brakes suspecting an issue with the brake pads, the electrical engineer thinks there might be an issue with the ABS system and pops the hood to look. The Engineering manage just asks, “so what do you think?” The Software engineer just stands with his arms crossed shaking his head in disgust. The manager notices it and asks, “what’s wrong?” The software engineer replies, “What are you guys doing?! Let’s just get in the car and see if it happens again!”

I thought the developer was going to accuse the user (=driver)

[ioFlow_Studios]

#DEFINE TRUE FALSE
// Debug this suckers

[anonymous_user_759e5c3a]

@;239479

A guy walks don the gets jumped by a thief.

• Your money or your life!

• B-b-but I’m a programmer…

• So?

• I neither got money nor a life…

Lol, that inspired me:

Why can’t programmers be muggers? They accidentally say “Give me your money XOR your life”

[anonymous_user_17ec24a01 (anonymous_user_17ec24a0)]

://knowyourmeme/memes/optimistic-indie-developer/photos

[cybereality]

I’d tell you a UDP joke, but you might not get it…

How can you tell an extroverted programmer? He looks at your shoes when he talks!

Not a joke, but I love this comic:

[SaxonRah]

&stc=1

&stc=1

Two jokes i made. Hopefully someone enjoys em

my favorite programming joke though ? Hmm probably

Why do programmers mix up Halloween and Christmas?
Because Oct 31 == Dec 25!
octal and decimal

[SchnitzelDude]

@;238301

Not exactly jokes, but I had a great time reading through some of these posts on stackoverflow: What is the best comment in source code you have ever encountered?

Hahaha I had a good time reading the comment-thread.

Here are some nice quotes:

“Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the universe trying to build bigger and better idiots. So far, the universe is winning.”

• Rick Cook

“I have always wished for my computer to be as easy to use as my telephone; my wish has come true because I can no longer figure out how to use my telephone.”

• Bjarne Stroustrup

[Jambax]

Love this one.

[ryanjon2040]

&stc=1

[Jezcentral]

Only 1 in 10 people understand binary. The other one doesn’t.

[InfectedFPS]

Yay 100th post!

[illYay]

@InfectedFPS;246432

Yay 100th post!

Oh that’s a good one.

“Your mother’s weight is so high that it requires a large amount of significant figures and you need 256 bits to store the IEEE 754 floating point representation of it to store it accurately.”

[Jambax]

@ioFlow ;242605

#DEFINE TRUE FALSE
// Debug this suckers

Well, I know who I’m trolling tomorrow…

[anonymous_user_15cad3d6]

A computer programmer is sitting under a tree when another programmer pulls up on a flashy new bike. The first programmer asks, “Where’d you get that?”

The programmer on the bike replies, “While I was walking outside, a beautiful girl pulled up on her bike. She took off all her clothes and said, ‘You can have anything you want’.”

The first programmer responds, “Good choice! Her clothes probably wouldn’t have fit you.”

[Binary_Orange]

@ioFlow ;242605

#DEFINE TRUE FALSE
// Debug this suckers

Oooh that’s so evil!

Here’s one I found on StackOverflow that’s pretty funny!

Jesus and Satan have an argument as to who is the better programmer. This goes on for a few hours until they come to an agreement to hold a contest with God as the judge. They set themselves before their computers and begin. They type furiously, lines of code streaming up the screen, for several hours straight.

Seconds before the end of the competition, a bolt of lightning strikes, taking out the electricity. Moments later, the power is restored, and God announces that the contest is over. He asks Satan to show his work. Visibly upset, Satan cries and says, “I have nothing. I lost it all when the power went out.”

“Very well,” says God, “let us see if Jesus has fared any better.”

Jesus presses a key, and the screen comes to life in vivid display, the voices of an angelic choir pour forth from the speakers.

Satan is astonished. He stutters, “B-b-but how?! I lost everything, yet Jesus’ program is intact! How did he do it?”

God chuckles, “Everybody knows… Jesus saves.”

A true knee-slapper!

[ChrisTm]

Jesus and Satan have an argument as to who is the better programmer. This goes on for a few hours until they come to an agreement to hold a contest with God as the judge. They set themselves before their computers and begin. They type furiously, lines of code streaming up the screen, for several hours straight.
Seconds before the end of the competition, a bolt of lightning strikes, taking out the electricity. Moments later, the power is restored, and God announces that the contest is over. He asks Satan to show his work. Visibly upset, Satan cries and says, “I have nothing. I lost it all when the power went out.”
“Very well,” says God, “let us see if Jesus has fared any better.”
Jesus presses a key, and the screen comes to life in vivid display, the voices of an angelic choir pour forth from the speakers.
Satan is astonished. He stutters, “B-b-but how?! I lost everything, yet Jesus’ program is intact! How did he do it?”
God chuckles, “Everybody knows… Jesus saves.”

a bolt of lightning strikes, taking out the electricity

probably again !

<Image removed: offensive content>

[Spectronaut]

@;253249

probably again !

<image removed: offensive content>

Dude, c’mon.

[anonymous_user_6c97248c]

“It’s not a bug, it’s a feature.”](://www.ebay/itm/NEW-ITS-A-BUG-NOT-A-FEATURE-GIFT-MUG-CUP-PRESENT-IT-COMPUTER-PROGRAMMER-GEEK-/390828637792?pt=LH_DefaultDomain_3&hash=item5aff33be60)

EDIT: Man, i was sleepy and got typo.:rolleyes: *Thinks

[BaconGaming97]

My favorite is: the lady’s wanna see my Python, but I only know C++…I’m forever alone…
Cout << (“could I have some bacon?”)endl;
// don’t forget any ****ing semicolons

[anonymous_user_ed2ebbc21 (anonymous_user_ed2ebbc2)]

Coffee life