Post your favorite programmer jokes

[SchnitzelDude]

I love this one:

“Knock, knock.”

“Who’s there?”

very long pause…

“Java.”

and this one:

Q: How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None, that’s a hardware problem‏.

Now its your turn.

[anonymous_user_923c79df]

Not a joke, but:

://en.docsity/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/2014/02/programmers-be-like.jpg

A man is smoking a cigarette and blowing smoke rings into the air. His girlfriend becomes irritated with the smoke and says, “Can’t you see the warning on the cigarette pack? Smoking is hazardous to your health!”
To which the man replies, “I am a programmer. We don’t worry about warnings; we only worry about errors.”

[anonymous_user_8d09ebd2]

This never fails to amuse me.

[anonymous_user_8943aceb]

Not exactly jokes, but I had a great time reading through some of these posts on stackoverflow: What is the best comment in source code you have ever encountered?

And, If Programming Languages Were Essays [Comic]

[DamirH]

A SQL query goes into a bar, walks up to two tables and asks, “Can I join you?”

I’ll show myself out…

[Warwolf]

Not really a joke, but my lecturer found it funny as hell for some reason. The early days when he was explaining basic if/if else statements, he tried to crack this as a joke:

if(hungry==1)
eatSomething;

He laughed to a completely silent lecture hall.

[Erasio]

Technically not a joke but a talk but man it’s hilarious as hell!

[video]https://www.destroyallsoftware/talks/wat[/video]

“hip”, “hip”]

(hip hip array!)

[Wolfsblut]

I’m a programmer and I don’t know any joke about us at all.

But I have one support joke I like a lot…

Caller: My monitor is broken.

Support: Is it switched on?

Caller: Yes!

Support: Switch it off please.

Caller: OMG…

[anonymous_user_64c55f0b]

@;238509

Technically not a joke but a talk but man it’s hilarious as hell!

[video]https://www.destroyallsoftware/talks/wat[/video]

“hip”, “hip”]

(hip hip array!)

WAT is one of my favorite software talks of all time!

@WAT

Of course this is addition, so you can flip the operands and still get the same result…

[mindfane]

Not really programming related. But really funny

Theory is when one knows everything but nothing works. Practice is when everything works but nobody knows why. In our company theory and practice go hand in hand; Nothing works and no one knows why!

[anonymous_user_6c97248c]

Unreal Engine is Window.
Unity is Mac.
CRYENGINE is Linux.

[HaxO]

pro·gram·mer
ˈprōˌɡramər/
noun

An organism that converts coffee and pizza into lines of code.

[DamirH]

A guy walks don the gets jumped by a thief.

• Your money or your life!

• B-b-but I’m a programmer…

• So?

• I neither got money nor a life…

[BrUnO_XaVIeR]

This is actually a **real **programming language based on Arnold Schwarzenegger’s quotations

ArnoldC:

://lhartikk.github.io/ArnoldC/images/d41d8cd9.ArnoldCSublime.png

[anonymous_user_6c97248c]

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^
ea

[Erasio]

@SAIF ;241976

&stc=1

^
ea

For EA the Project Manager would more likely say:

“No that’s not a bug. That’s a game. We intentionally created that with a lot of money so you better like it!”

[anonymous_user_8943aceb]

@PUNK;241976

[attach=config]28967[/attach]
^
ea

I feel like this might be relevant (I’m sorry :p):

?v=FV-u5tvQC34

[ChrisTm]

://i.gyazo/29367add06c111d568255c079f69db91.png

[anonymous_user_15cad3d6]

Four Engineers are taking a rental car to a convention. The Engineering manager is driving and the other three, a software, an electrical, and a mechanical engineer are riding in the various seats. They go up to the top of a hill and begin going down, when the manager tries to use the brakes to slow down, they aren’t working. is somewhat paniced but fortunately they were able to roll to a stop. gets out and kisses the ground etc. The mechanical engineer moves to look at the brakes suspecting an issue with the brake pads, the electrical engineer thinks there might be an issue with the ABS system and pops the hood to look. The Engineering manage just asks, “so what do you think?” The Software engineer just stands with his arms crossed shaking his head in disgust. The manager notices it and asks, “what’s wrong?” The software engineer replies, “What are you guys doing?! Let’s just get in the car and see if it happens again!”

[ChrisTm]

@kaufenpreis;242248

Four Engineers are taking a rental car to a convention. The Engineering manager is driving and the other three, a software, an electrical, and a mechanical engineer are riding in the various seats. They go up to the top of a hill and begin going down, when the manager tries to use the brakes to slow down, they aren’t working. is somewhat paniced but fortunately they were able to roll to a stop. gets out and kisses the ground etc. The mechanical engineer moves to look at the brakes suspecting an issue with the brake pads, the electrical engineer thinks there might be an issue with the ABS system and pops the hood to look. The Engineering manage just asks, “so what do you think?” The Software engineer just stands with his arms crossed shaking his head in disgust. The manager notices it and asks, “what’s wrong?” The software engineer replies, “What are you guys doing?! Let’s just get in the car and see if it happens again!”

Haha ! Morality, He reproduced the bug but now , he died