how can i have transparency blend? its either full opaqe or invisible

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@NotSoAccurateNo1

Switch the “blend mode” from “Opacity Mask” to “Translucent” and change the “translucency”-“lighting mode” options from “Volumetric NonDirectional” to “Surface ForwardShading”.
If the translucency rendering options are too expensive, consider using “blend mode” “Opacity Mask” and use the “Dither” function node. But it sometimes causes unwanted smearing.

the opacity works like this but the lighting is completely different and not correct for hair etc

the material is basically flat shaded now

i also dont have a blend mode called opacity mask