Why won't Character Movement Component let me jump while running uphill? [CMC broken "feature"]

I have spent quite a long time with this issue, and it’s exactly what it says on the tin. No matter what absurdly high number I set my jump speed height, gravity, whatever to, if I make the base Third Person Template character jump while running (at considerable speed, in excess of 1024 Unreal Units) up a hill, I get audiovisual cues that a jump was ATTEMPTED, but the character NEVER leaves the ground. Weird seeing the mannequin make a jump animation while running on the ground. No matter how you slice it, this is broken behavior. It looks like the character is landing as soon as he jumps. That’s not okay.

This makes attempting to make a platformer, quite literally impossible. In most platformers, jumping at speed on a steep incline should allow the character to jump higher. Take Sonic Generations, for example. You jump nearly twice as high as your base jump height if you jump on a 30 degree angle, at the cost of some lateral momentum. Nothing I do or have done will allow me to replicate that, even though that’s not even necessarily what I’m aiming for. It’s just a good goal to shoot for, and I’d work the kinks out later if I could even get STARTED on it.

The only lead I have is just the understanding that Character Movement Component is a mimic of physics, instead of a simulation of them. You can see this at play by standing on a low-mass physics object. It can send you flying in a random direction, for instance. Super Mario 64 and Sonic Adventure can do it, and those games are old enough to drink, so why can’t I jump while running uphill in Unreal Engine 4? That’s no false equivalency, I SHOULD be able to do it.

If anyone has ANY workarounds, solutions, or even cheap and dirty hacks to make it so I can jump uphill at speed, please inform me. This isn’t worth tearing my hair out over, but I’m doing it anyway, and I know in my heart of hearts that I shouldn’t be stuck on a problem so basic and stupid.

If you don’t know what I’m talking about, I can provide video, here:
I am tapping the jump button several times, and only once the character reaches the apex of the slope, will he jump.

And before you say it, no. I WILL NOT slow the character down to accomodate for this deficiency in UE4. There HAS to be a solution that doesn’t require any dumbing down. If it can be done in Unity, if it can be done on the SEGA Dreamcast, if it can be done in Source Engine, if it can be done in UNREAL ENGINE 2, then it can be done in Unreal Engine 4. I won’t abandon an entire project over a stupid, nagging, hiccup like this.