Lost In Paranoia

Something I made a while ago. It was heavily influenced by shifts between real life and artistic reality, vibes of certain environments, abandoned places, ghosts, hallucinations, ouija board and a bit of magic. It was a weird place, but the art made there is just one of a kind. It’s all about walking around, being desperate, smoking cigarettes and taking photos.

It was made for film school project, but in the process I got lost trying to find ideas while also fighting with the emotional aspect of it all.
Might continue with this project or try to mix it with horror game that I’m working on.

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Hey @iamthebanana,

Happy Holidays!

As per usual, your art has made me self-reflect and the slightest bit uneasy (in a good way?).
After watching your first video I’d love to know your definition of beauty. And, of course, what about darkness can be defined as beauty?

I’ve always been someone who surrounds myself with an overabudance of light and what I would define as a manifestation of joy so your video has me willing to rethink how I precieve darkness.

Look forward to hearing your thoughts friend!

It’s romanticization of sadness and melancholy in a way that you make it look classy and kind of jazzy. It’s that film noir feeling, that sentimental feeling.
Life goes on, people live and do their own things, but you’re in this artistic world and mindset. It’s a different reality detached from ordinary life.
Idea of it is that when you get these feelings that are determined as depression you still have to find the beauty of it all. Kind of like looking for the light in darkness.
You see these pictures, you take these photos. You try to turn them around so that they make you feel something.
I mean art is all about feelings, as long as you feel something by looking at it then you know that you are alive.
Sure, it’s better to smile and be happy. But if you can’t face the darkness and sadness then you’re in for a bad trip.
Make the most out of it even if it hurts.

Happy Holidays! :upside_down_face:


@iamthebanana, your mind is limitless!

Therefore, to the outside world, you can convey a “Matrix-esque” depiction of darkness. Your visual telling of finding peace in the dark brings me comfort in the light. I’m reminded of a quote from Edgar Allan Poe, “Words have no power to impress the mind without the exquisite horror of their reality.”

As I am a fan of Requiem from the Darkness, Death Note, Hellsing, and Perfect Blue, as such with these examples, with your work, I hear melody in the melancholy. I feel embraced by the thunderstorm, and I am guided by the shadows. Your potential is profound.

Have you ever considered your artistry cathartic?

It’s like therapy which destroys you and heals you. There is no escape, you are stuck inside your own nightmare. You love it, you hate it, you are looking for help but once you realise that only you can help yourself - you’re free. Free from the world, free from artistic boundaries, free from emotions of good and bad. You just create art in pure form. It takes time, it takes lots of desperate hours and isolation. And most of all it takes your sanity which along the way you learn how to control. How to push it to the limits, how to heal it. How to go beyond just for the sake of it.
It’s a fun ride, most people won’t get it but they sure do appreciate art. It’s hard to explain it and at times it just shouldn’t be explained. Just enjoy it.

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A bit of preview from the scene that I’m working on. It takes place in foggy woods, with a church and lake in middle of it. As you walk around you see lots of strange things, mostly creepy. It has very strong atmosphere - dark, but comforting.
It’s part of The Blur game/movie that I’m working on. But it fits Lost In Paranoia just as well. I guess you could call it The Blur: Lost In Paranoia. Which would make this game a series type of in the future.


Hi iamthebanana!

Thank you so much for your beautiful response and for sharing your latest screenshots! There is something very poetic about them (especially the views of the church through the dark, enshrouding trees). Is the church in the forest “true religion”? The discovery of the church in the forest brings the thought of being back to oneness with nature, as the trek through the forest is parallel to life’s journey in and of itself.

I’m thinking of the quote “I can’t see the forest for the trees.” This is very much giving, “I was too suspended within the details of despair in my own life, that I couldn’t see the bigger picture.” It’s giving, “To find religion in nature is to find religion within myself.”

This is what I can appreciate in your art. Whomever comes across it can look into it and see versions of themselves. In the last screenshot, is that figure static, an NPC, or a playable character?

iamthebanana, personally, I do not have a lot of time on my hands to play games through and through as much as I would like to, but from everything you’ve shared, I am highly anticipating your cinematic/game, The Blur. Deep diving into your work presents a fear of dark water that has shadowed me all these years. Ripples on the surface come and go, yet I am ready to swim deeper. Your artistry reminds me - Have you seen films such as The Mirror (1975), The Corridor (1995), or The Color of Pomegranate (1969)?

That pretty much represents my art in a strange way. Atleast all the process with the story side of this game yet. Churches always give you mysterious feeling and a bit of horror. I’ve played many horror games and there was always something calming and addictive in the fear. Being in the graveyards, churches and environments that kind of feel like places without time and reality concepts. Like for example garden in a castle type mansion with statues, bushes and roses surrounding it. Add a bit of dark and fog to it and you have horror. Even in daylight it seems like those places have no time definition.
It’s a strange mix of feelings.

I have heard about movie The Mirror, The Corridor trailer looks ■■■■ depressive and dark, reminds of Stalker movie.
The Color of Pomegranate now that’s interesting, especially the usage of symbolism and geometry.
These type of movies are always “teached” in film schools, but I find them way too booring. Probably because we are all used to watch high action and straight in the face Hollywood movies. It takes a lot of render and filter through those indie movies to find one that really speaks to you.
Any other movies like The Color of Pomegranate or Holy Mountain?

About last scene, it’s just a statue in some way it’s an NPC that might play a sound or speak out written words as you approach it.
I wanted to make something scary, so I played Max Payne 2 to get hyped up, listened to some Suicide Boys and overall had that suicidal, homicidal vision and thoughts in my mind that I just exported out to feel good and free again.
Meaning of the statue is - “She made me do it” or “She did it”. I’ll leave deeper explanation to the game story itself since I don’t wanna mix fiction with reality too much.

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iamthebanana, something scary is simply an understatement for what you’re creating. It is a darkly, daunting experience depending on one’s point of view. What you’re revealing is unique, in the sense that understanding what you’re presenting is not synonymous with enjoying what you are presenting - as others may not be as comfortable with the embracing the dark. As a player, we can certainly enjoy and appreciate the distinctive, ethereal experience of horror within your work without having to understand the gnarled root of darkness at the core. I find it pleasant, the searching and the freeing of the mind to allow the imagery of your settings to wash over my thoughts. You exude such an incredibly abstract form of creative expression, that I find it very thought-provoking. I want to share with you a quote by the artist Gibran: “Some of you say, ‘Joy is greater than sorrow’ and others say, ‘Nay, sorrow is the greater.’ But I say unto you, they are inseparable. Together they come, and when one sits alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed.”

To add to the horror element regarding the NPC, I can imagine the statue whispering repetitively, “She did it”, “She made me do it” in various voices of distortion and emotion/emotionless.

For other movies that are extremely abstract or artsy, try Ashik Kerib, Blow Up (1966), The Dance of Reality, or Santa Sangre.

I am envisioning some tunes for you inspired by “O Pana”: Music from both Prophet Posse/Hypnotize Camp and Bone Thugs n’ Harmony. Also, Geto Boys "Mind Playing Tricks on Me - for some inspiration to your dark fantasies while playing games and sipping herbal tea.