In over my head....mesh and rigging (blender)

Alright. So I made a mesh. Nothing special, just exported the ue4, made some simple clothes on it, re-imported.

Which did not work. it would tell me all the bones were messed up and such.

Eventually found this: Tutorial: How to make ue4 mannequin in blender - Character & Animation - Epic Developer Community Forums
Being new to this. I actually just assumed the bones were supposed to look like that for some reason well beyond me…

But this made since that they loose data or what not so I followed the process and got this:

All I did then was bring in my clothes mesh’s and attach them to the player mesh (CNTRL + J)
I ended up with it looking about the way I wanted it to and figure it would get by as I learned things.

As you can see all the bones are there. With the same name. Except for the IK bones and twist bones, just like in the link above.
(my fingers and ball of foot might be a bit off position as there isnt a vertex in middle of the player mesh finger tip. And wasnt exact sure on best foot placement…)

But i figured I should get some results that allowed me to move some things around and try stuff out in the engine.
I exported FBX and this time it did rather well. It didnt tell me any bones were missing (just typical no smoothing groups found)

But when I open the mesh it only has one bone listed, matching the mesh “playermesh” and when I move it the whole mesh moves.

I’m not even sure where to begin on fixing this. Or what to do…
Any help?

tutorials I find are all about animating and rigging WITHIN BLENDER FOR BLENDER, or go through the whole process of rigging/animating for Unreal.
seems there isnt a tutorial for just rigging to the ue4 skeleton for immediate use of animation packs.