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Feedback on my story survival short novel please (WIP)

Hello All. I am planning to make a game. I am in the preproduction stage as I am still writing up the novel that the game will be based off of. And I am also doing the sketches, artwork, etc.

Please take 5 minutes to read over the first few chapters (only 4900 words total) and let me know whether you like it, hate it, love it, give feedbacks, edits, suggestions etc etc.

Thanks so much. The first chapter is here and you can get the next few chapters via links on the page.

You can comment here or directly on the chapter on the booksie.com page. Thanks and be 100% honest.

So I like the content DarkLoki, but I think you need to work on your structure and your prose a bit - it reads kind of dry, and I don’t get a narrative voice from it (I don’t get any feel for the character narrating).

My advice is to take what you have, think about how someone that had experienced the apocalypse you described would actually tell it to someone in person. If you need to, build out a character backstory, bio, everything about them, so you know exactly how they would tell it. Then write it down exactly that way. Right now it reads a bit like a wiki or textbook to me.

I’d also suggest just going completely first person perspective, it’s easiest to write to start out and will feel more personal that way.

Don’t give up!

It’s actually pretty good. Just follow the suggestions that n00854180t said.
Also, are you some prophetic writer or something? You just described, in detail, what’s happening to the world. (minus how quick it happens.)

thanks so much for the feedback!

it is a new work in progress so it is greatly appreciated. And okay I will work on the character narration,as this is just the beginning draft.

I added the new few chapters I have…also WIP.

I like the way chapter 2 opens more than chapter 1 - generally exposition dumps like that are a bad idea as they tend to come off like a block of text. So try to work that into your character or narration like I mentioned before and I think you will be in a good spot.

Or just make chapter 2 your chapter 1, take the current chapter 1 and just take the details it exposes and work them into the conversation and exposition throughout the other chapters.

That is exactly what I was thinking of doing! Thanks.