I finally got it to work! The major problem was, you need to add android as a target platform in the engine selection and let the engine install other necessary components:
I haven’t seen this mentioned anywhere! This gets rid of the “The binaries are not installed…etc.” error. For the android sdk, when I started over I removed any env variables I had from previous installs, selected only the very barebones in Android Studio (platform sdk and cmdline tools) and ran the AndroidSetup.bat. The complain about the xml parse was still in the output but it set all the env stuff and downloaded the correct cmake version. After that, I installed the rest of the necessary Android stuff for Quest dev and I can finally debug and launch on the hardware. Hope this helps somebody.