Update: I finally got it to work!! I ended up re-installing all the android and java files following this tutorial: https://youtu.be/vvrIWj0_7jg
After that I made a new project following these instructions: https://developer.oculus.com/documentation/unreal/unreal-ide-guide-android/
Possible causes of the problem that I can think of:
-in my old project it only created an .apk file, in the new project it also created an .obb with it.
-I used an underscore (_) in the project names, I recall that being a problem a year ago. Not sure if it ever got fixed
-uninstalled all java versions and only installed 17.0.6 instead of downloading the zip file
I ended up with these sdk and ndk settings:
Platforms - Android
Minimum SDK version: 29
Target SDK Version: 32
Android SDK
Location of android SDK: C:/Users/User/AppData/Local/Android/Sdk
Location of android NDK: C:/Users/User/AppData/Local/Android/Sdk/ndk/25.1.8937393
Location of JAVA: C:/Program Files/jdk
SDK API level: android-32
NDK API Level: android-29
hopefully this will help someone with the same problem
also bonus tip: if you get a black VR preview, you have to disable the openxr plugin in unreal