actually everything you have said you will find it in the last video tutorial !
(just a little patience these days will be published)
about apex:
for what is my experience, Apex works very well (some apply it to the hair) did not seem to be heavy in performance, as far as I’m concerned (even duplicating a dress several times) I see no difference on fps
you’ve tried?(more 'than anything else be careful how many polygons has the mesh!)